Random ramblings

I would apologize and tell you that I'm a slacker but the truth is I'm not. Life just got a little crazy, as it does when you have an infant + a dog + a husband working 60 + hours a week.

As I'm writing this, my Nutella brownies are baking in the oven and a pot of "fluorescent orange" Kraft Mac N' Cheese is cooked on the stove waiting for me.  Stress brings out the best of my cooking skills.  Thankfully, Sunday and Monday we had two big homecooked yummy meals that I made so I don't feel bad at all.

Baby girl is growing and changing before my eyes.  Today she seemed like a mini adult, chattering on to me about nothing and smiling great big smiles when I was singing to her.  Everyone said that she would grow up quickly but I don't think I understood it until I had her.

I've been plagued by feelings of inadequacy lately.  I always feel like I should be more or do more or contribute more.  The reality is that I'm working along at what feels like 100% right now and I'm digging deep to give more to my family each day.  However when I surf Pinterest or read other blogs, I often leave feeling like I need to do more.  My kitchen could be more organized and my laundry could be folded AND put away every day.

Even putting aside the online world and it's expectations, I had a run-in with a family member who is pressuring me to return to work.  There's more to the story and I do need to vent it out but I need to be a in a better place in order to speak about it in a grown-up fashion.

Moved

As I sat here reading various blogs and articles, I found myself moved...literally and figuratively moved by something I read. (and really I meant literally.. I had to get up to check on the baby since she was showing me her lung capacity in the middle of my reading) As a clueless new Mom, theses words spoke to me. I felt them reaching through the screen, knocking on my head and saying "Hey lady! pay attention..this is good stuff for you to think about."


My baby, my precious angel, the apple of my eye is a wonderful baby...really she is. Only one tiny detail makes me pull my hair our and cry my eyes out trying to solve the mystery.


Why doesn't my 3.5 month old take a nap?


Everything I read, and goodness knows I did tons of that during pregnancy, indicates that my child at this age should be napping at least twice for a good chunk of time during the day. However our little peanut refuses to nap. She sleeps for 15 minutes maybe 3 or 4 times a day and wakes up smiling at me, while I'm half showered and still trying to paint the other 7 toes! I have this thing where I like my toes painted all year round..makes me feel girly!


Then I stumbled across these words....


Maybe my problem is how tightly I’m holding on to the idea of the way things should be. Maybe it’s time to ask for a different sort of help. Instead of asking God for an escape, maybe I need to ask that He will widen my capacity. Help me to be gracious...

- From Five Kids Is A Lot of Kids, written by A Wide Mercy


How could I have read them randomly on the day that I needed to hear them the most? God's Grace? Happenstance? I have NO idea but I know I'm better because of it.


Tonight as I lay my head down to hopefully get a good four hour stretch of sleep, as I dream about my baby in the other room and ask God to keep her safe, I'm going to ask Him to help me learn to be gracious and to thank Him every day for the blessing that is my Faith.

A beginning of sorts

I suppose an introduction of sorts is the best place to start... 

Hi, I'm Kristen *smiles & waves through the screens*
I'm a 30-ish newly minted Mom of one beautiful baby girl, named Faith. 
I quit my job at 8.5 months pregnant to move with my husband's job back to the City of Brotherly Love, where our love story first started. 
I am a stay-at-home Mom for now but with intentions of rejoining the workforce at least part-time in near future.  Wishful thinking that I can find a job that fits my needs.
and most of all...

I am clueless, scared of screwing it up and

 learning a lot of new things about me, my partner and our baby girl

I have no real goals with starting a blog.  I am well aware of the vast amount of Mommy blogs out there and have been reading many of them since well before I became a Mommy.  I understand there are tons of folks looking for an outlet and hoping to make something of their blogs...For me, I'm just reaching out to a community I believe it and hoping to make some new friends in the process. 

Seems feasible, right?  If not, don't tell me until I've finished my tea..it'll ruin my therapeutic cup of Bedtime Tea and really a cup of tea is all I've got tonight..

Thanks for stopping by and maybe next time we can "tea" together!